I believe that this world is wonderful. I feel the urge to state that now. I’m also feeling compelled to say that everything in this world won’t always seem to be wonderful, however, I believe that with an adaptive and proactive approach, this doesn’t necessarily have to be the case.

Sometimes, when I intentionally seek to alter my perspective, I find admirable, impressive, or beautiful qualities where I was previously seeing cowardly, mediocre, or hideous ones. I’ve noticed that if I put conscious effort into altering my perspective, I often succeed, and as with any skill, my abilities improve with practice. During directed thought exercises, and more frequently throughout my everyday life, I’ve began to feel that I can nearly choose my views on command at times, and that this is having dramatic effects on my life.

I read a quote a few days ago that rang powerfully in my ears, I felt the need to set my book aside immediately and reflect on this quote by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, which he wrote while in prison for resisting the nazis: “We have spent too much time in thinking, supposing that if we weigh in advance the possibilities of any action, it will happen automatically. We have learnt, rather too late, that action comes not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility. “ I’m grateful to him for this little diamond of wisdom, which seems to have had a strong effect on me.
If there’s any truth to the statement that many people have directed towards me throughout my life, that I “think too much”, I believe it lies in the above quote. I have spent countless hours thinking, stuck inside my mind, failing to take further action than this. I’m going to pursue a much healthier balance between thought and action, more-so than I have up until now.

For all my life I’ve been drawn towards writing, yet I’ve not yet managed to create a place for this art amongst my highest priorities, even though I’ve directly experienced the effect writing, or a lack of it, can have on me. There can be a fine line between sanity and madness, between the artist and the neurotic, and sometimes I feel like I’m losing sight of which side I’m on. The act of creation, self expression through art, is absolutely necessary for the chaotic mind, or else, as I’ve experienced myself, you may begin to drift…

Several months ago I was beginning to drift further astray than what I would consider ideal. At times I felt like a god, and would openly express that sentiment, and at other times I felt like I was suffering deeply. Sometimes the shifts were from day to day, but more frequently it was a rapid fluctuation from one moment to the next. I felt more unstable than I ever had before. I felt like I was going insane, and being very practiced in mindfulness, I was a very active observer in this process.

It’s foolish of me to forget for even a moment that I had asked for this to happen. I had been deeply immersed in the work of Carl Jung, Otto Rank, Jordan Peterson, and Ken Wilbur for several months. I can’t recall his exact words, but in a lecture, Jordan was discussing shadow work when he said that if you really want to figure out what your hiding from, to just ask yourself, and you will most surely get an answer, if your willing to hear it. After so many years working to overcome addictions and develop discipline, why was I still struggling so often? I wanted to face my demons, to look in the place where I wanted to look the least. And when I asked for this information, I most certainly received a response.

I was out of control for a while but I’ve managed to regain my balance. I returned to reality slowly at first, but something has seemed to awaken within me. I will choose not to make any claims here further than that I’ve just been really on point lately, and have made several major changes in my life in just a short few months. I feel wonderful lately, and I can’t help but feel that I’ve discovered something or some things of immense value.

This is the first time in my life I’ve followed through with the urge I’ve had for several years to create a blog. If your here reading this, I welcome you humbly and with an open heart, full of love, acceptance, peace, compassion and gratitude! I hope that something you read here helps you in some way on your travels, like so many words from countless sources have done for me. I plan to share some of that with you here, and spread along the message of so many others who have felt the need to share their mind and soul through the written and spoken word. I plan to approach this process in the most genuine of ways. I am a truth seeker. I love to dive down rabbit holes; to plunge straight into the darkness. I’ve recently replaced the phrase in my vocabulary “open my eyes” with “rip off my eyelids”. I feel that it suits me better.

I have developed a painful and sobering, but also mind opening awareness of how little modern society actually knows, even though we want to act like we have so many answers. I’ve found that in reality, such answers are very hard to come by, and we must settle with the next best choice, the best conclusion we can reach based on the evidence and experience available to us. I do a lot of research, and, more importantly, reflect deeply, and I try to reach a conclusion that satisfies me. I do this with a constantly increasing number of subjects as I try to create an integrative approach to living that encompasses all aspects of life on this planet. I’m constantly trying to incorporate more of the world into my vision and access more diverse and open minded ways to think and be. If you disagree with me, feel that I’m wrong about anything, or that I’m failing to see a different perspective that’s available, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will sincerely attempt to incorporate this new information, and won’t hesitate to change my mind when it is appropriate. I will always appreciate the debunking of any of my views that need it!

The first task I aim to accomplish on this blog is to share large parts of my life story to hopefully impress a deep understanding of who I am, what I have been through, and what conscious efforts I’ve taken to arrive where I am today. Throughout this story, (which will be based on fact to the best of my ability, considering the extreme unreliability of memory) I will introduce the many subjects I’ve gathered experience and/or interest in throughout my life and in recent times. This blog will end up being about all of these topics and many more. I hope that this effort can provide value to the lives of others; it will absolutely do so for me!
In my next post I will be sharing a rough sketch of my life history up until my most recent, and most extreme, plunge into darkness several months ago. I will then dedicate a post to the journey back into the light, back to balance, peace of mind and purpose in life. I have an interesting mind and it may be worth your time to join me occasionally! I hope you will stick around.